Because of You Page 9

  I sighed and buried my head in my hands for a moment to collect myself before looking into the eyes of my sister. I knew she cared. She loved me more than anyone on the planet, but all I wanted to do was move past my history with Tyler.

  “I don’t know what happened and I wish I did. Believe me, I want to know what happened to me more than anything, but I don’t remember and I don’t know if I will. So all I want is to move on. I want to put Tyler as far behind me as I can and I can’t do that if you won’t let it go. So, please,” I said, reaching over and taking her hand, “let it go.”

  She didn’t say anything right away as she looked at our hands, but she nodded and then looked back up at me.

  “I’m sorry, Sam. I don’t mean to upset you.”

  “I know you don’t,” I said, smiling at her to let her know I really did appreciate her concern.

  “And you like the cop?”

  “He’s a nice guy. It’s not even romantic. We just talked. That’s it.”

  “But, you liked talking to him?”

  “Yeah,” I said softly, thinking back to our conversation and smiling.

  “Then Sunday should be fun,” she said, squeezing my hand and then leaned in, hugging me. “You know I love you, Sam. I just want you to be happy.”

  “I love you too, Rache,” I said and then she pulled back, smiling at me again before walking out of my room.

  I sat in silence for a few moments thinking about my conversation with my sister. She was skeptical. She was worried, but I knew when she said she wanted me to be happy, she meant it. I hoped that for myself too. I knew I hadn’t been happy in a very long time, even though I told myself I had been, and while Sunday was only a football game, for the first time in a long time, I had something to look forward to.

  Eleven

  I wasn’t nearly as relaxed as I’d pretended to be with Rachel when Sunday rolled around. As I got myself ready, I wondered if she’d been right. Was this too weird or even appropriate? I didn’t even know what it was. A date? Just hanging out? I looked down at my phone as I finished pulling my hair up into a messy bun, wondering if I should just call the whole thing off. I didn’t even like football, which wasn’t something I admitted on a regular basis, especially not at O’Leary’s where every patron bled Patriot blue. If they ever found out the only player I knew anything about on the team was Tom Brady, I’d probably lose my job.

  I reached for the phone and stared at it for a moment. It’d be easy to text Gabe and tell him I wasn’t feeling well or some other lame excuse, but then I realized I did want to spend the afternoon with him, or at least I thought I did.

  I was still a mess. My mind was congested all the time as I tried to remember what happened to me that night and wondering if I could ever truly move on from the mess I’d made of my life ever since Tyler entered it. It wasn’t like I had much going for myself regardless. My mother had made sure of that, but Rachel had worked hard to get us away from all of that. When Tyler came into the picture, I pulled myself right back in.

  I shook my head, shoving the phone into the pocket of my jeans. I didn’t really know what to wear to a football game, so I’d chosen jeans along with a Red Sox hoodie. I didn’t own anything Patriots. The Red Sox were the only team I actually followed to any degree and I knew any Boston sports team would be acceptable at the game.

  Rachel was in the middle of loading the dishwasher when I walked into the living room. She looked at me, eyeing me curiously.

  “So, it’s not a date then I see,” she said as I opened the fridge to grab a bottle of water to take with me.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “If it were a date, you would’ve put some kind of effort into your appearance,” she said with a laugh as she shut the dishwasher.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked defensively.

  “The hoodie, the hair. There’s not even any makeup on your face. You never used to leave the apartment unless everything was perfect.”

  “It’s a football game and it’s forty-five degrees outside. Why would I get all dolled up to sit outside for the next three hours?”

  “I was simply making an observation,” she said, washing her hands and then drying them with a paper towel before turning to me. “It doesn’t matter anyway. You’re adorable no matter what you wear. You couldn’t be ugly if you tried.”

  She smiled at me and I shook my head, looking away, but was unable to contain the slight grin on my face.

  The sound of the buzzer caught my attention and I went to the door.

  “It’s Gabe,” the voice said.

  “Be right down,” I said into the speaker.

  “You’re not inviting him up?” Rachel asked and I shook my head.

  “No, I’m not. I’d assume just meet him downstairs.”

  “Well, tell Officer Torres I said hello,” she said with a coy grin, but then her face turned softer and she looked at me with a sweet smile. “Seriously though, have fun.”

  “Thanks,” I said softly, locking eyes with her for a moment before grabbing my heavy coat and bag and heading downstairs.

  I grew more and more anxious as I descended the steps and when I got to the bottom, I could see him through the glass door. His back was to me as he looked towards the street. His hands were in the pockets of his coat and once again it struck me seeing him in this casual way, how different he seemed since we first met. I almost forgot he was a police officer and I was grateful for that.

  “Hey,” I said, trying to sound relaxed when I opened the door. He turned around quickly, smiling at me.

  “Hey,” he replied. “How are you?”

  “I’m good,” I nodded. “How about you?”

  “Good.” He smiled again and then gestured to the street. “Ready to go?”

  “Yes.” I smiled at him again and then followed him to his SUV. He held the door open for me and I stared at his grip on the handle for a few seconds before getting in the passenger seat. Tyler had never opened a door for me.

  “So, have you ever been to a Pats game?” he asked as he eased into the street.

  “No. I’m not really one for football,” I answered and he laughed quietly, turning briefly to look at me with a half-smile.

  “And yet you agreed to come to a game on an exceptionally cold day no less. I must be pretty convincing.”

  It was my turn to laugh this time. It was a quiet laugh, but the kind of laugh the leaves a smile on your face. I hadn’t felt that in as long as I could remember.

  “Mind if turn on some music?” he asked.

  “Not at all,” I said and he hit a button on his phone, causing the music to flow into the cab. “Is this okay?” he asked. It was alternative music with an indie sound, heavy on the guitar, but with a good melody too.

  “It’s fine. I like it actually.”

  “Good. We might get along then.”

  “Yeah, maybe,” I said with another quiet laugh.

  “I like music. It’s almost like therapy. No matter what kind of crap’s going on in your life, there’s always a song to go with it.”

  “I’d have to agree,” I told him.

  “It’s a good way to get frustrations out. I mean, when I was playing with my band it just felt…”

  “Wait,” I interrupted. “Band? You’re in a band?”

  “I used to be in a band,” he said with a grin as we drove towards Foxboro. “You seem surprised.”

  “I am,” I admitted.

  “Why?” I could tell he was curious.

  “I don’t know. I guess because you’re a cop.”

  “I’m more than a cop, Sam. I’m a person,” he said and I couldn’t tell if he was offended by what I’d said or not. I hadn’t intended to upset him or offend him in any way.

  “I know that,” I said apologetically. “I’m sorry. I…I just meant that…I guess it’s hard for me to think of you other than a police officer.”

  I glanced over to him and he had a little smile on his face
as he looked at the road, making our way down the crowded interstate.

  “It’s funny how people treat you differently because you’re a cop,” he said.

  “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” I asked.

  “Depends,” he said, pausing for a second. “Some people treat you like a king. Others treat you like you’re the bad guy…a guy with a gun and an inflated ego.”

  “That doesn’t sound like you though. Not from what I’ve seen,” I said quietly and he looked at me quickly with his dark eyes.

  “No, that’s not me. Truth is, I’m just a guy who wants to do some good in this world,” he said and then his eyes went back to the road and it was quiet as he exited off the highway towards Gillette Stadium.

  It took a while to find a parking space, but eventually we made it inside the stadium and made our way to our seats. I was surprised to see Trey and Tia when we got there. They were talking with the people around them and I looked over to Gabe.

  “Remember how I said sometimes you’re treated like a king when you’re a cop?” he asked and I nodded. “This is one of the perks of being one. Seats are sometimes given out to departments and we divvy them up.”

  “So, everyone around here are police officers?” I asked.

  “These couple of rows,” he said, gesturing to the seats. “You’re okay spending the day with some of Boston’s finest, aren’t you?”

  “Of course,” I said quickly.

  “Glad to hear that,” he said. I felt something on the small of my back then and I jumped a little, startled at his touch. If Gabe noticed, he didn’t let on. His hand remained there though as he guided me to our seats.

  “Sam,” Trey said in his deep, booming voice, a wide smile greeting me as he leaned across Tia. “Good to see you again.”

  “You too,” I said, sitting down next to Tia.

  “Cold enough for you today?” Tia asked, pulling her scarf closer to her.

  “Just a little,” I said with a quiet laugh.

  “So, who’s your pick for today? Pats or Bills?” Trey asked.

  “I don’t know. I don’t really watch football,” I said, cracking a smile when I saw Trey’s reaction. His mouth opened wide and then his eyebrows creased in disbelief.

  “Seriously?” he gasped.

  “Yeah,” I nodded and then I felt Tia’s hand on my knee.

  “Ignore him,” she said.

  “You don’t like football either?” I asked her.

  “I do, but I don’t hold it against people if they don’t, like this ass over here,” Tia said, pointing at Trey with her thumb.

  “Not liking football should be against the law,” Trey continued and I heard Gabe laugh next to me. “And because I’m a cop, I could make sure it’s enforced.”

  “Are you planning to arrest me then?” I said, smiling over to Trey and he just started laughing.

  “Not today, Sam. I’ll leave that to Gabe,” Trey said and we all started laughing just as the PA announcer came over the speaker.

  We didn’t have much time to talk after that. There was the national anthem and then the introductions of the teams. Kick-off was right after and then the volume of the crowd made it impossible to say anything. Gabe seemed excited though. He was definitely into the game. As I watched it, I didn’t have a clue what was going on. Gabe could sense this and he’d do his best to explain it to me, but I couldn’t hear him well and I didn’t want him to have to spend the entire game clarifying things for me. I appreciated his effort though and three hours later, I was officially frozen and the game was over.

  “Did we make any headway with converting you to becoming a football fan?” Gabe asked after we’d said good-bye to Trey and Tia and were filing out of the stadium.

  “Maybe a little,” I answered and he looked over to me with a satisfied grin.

  “At least I’ve cracked the surface,” he said, but I could feel my smile fading when I heard his words. He hadn’t even begun to crack the surface that was my messed up life. “Did you at least have fun?” he asked and I instantly nodded.

  “I did,” I told him. I wanted to add More than you know because for the last few hours I felt normal…like a normal girl, with a normal life, not the girl I had become and the girl I didn’t much like anymore.

  It was a long walk back to the car and an even longer wait to get out of the parking lot, but eventually, we were on our way back to Boston.

  “So,” Gabe asked after a while, “if you don’t like football, does that mean your anti-sports altogether?”

  I had to laugh a little.

  “No, it doesn’t mean that,” I told him. “I follow the Red Sox. I like baseball.”

  “Oh yeah?” he asked, turning momentarily from the road with a raised eyebrow.

  “I’ve actually got a Red Sox hoodie on under my jacket,” I told him since it’d been so cold I’d never removed my coat.

  “That’s good to know. I’d have to think twice about hanging out with someone who didn’t like any sports.”

  “I’m safe then?” I asked, surprised at my playfulness.

  “For now,” he said, smiling and then turning back to the road. “Too bad baseball season doesn’t start until spring. We could catch a game.”

  “I’ve never been to Fenway,” I said and his head whipped around to look at me again.

  “Never?” he asked and I shook my head. “You grew up in Boston though, right?”

  “Not exactly. I grew up not far from Boston.”

  “Where?”

  “Lots of places. Worcester mostly,” I said.

  “But you never went to Fenway?” he asked.

  “No,” I answered.

  “Seriously? Your college is right there.”

  “Seriously. I’ve never been there.”

  “Why not?” he asked and I took a moment before I answered because I didn’t know how to address his question.

  “We didn’t do a lot of things for fun when I was a kid and now I’ve got school and work,” I said, my voice softer than before and I knew he could sense my reservation. He knew there was more to my story, but we both knew he wouldn’t learn anymore about it tonight.

  “Well, it’s an incredible experience if you ever get the chance,” he said and then it was quiet again. “You okay with some music again?”

  “Of course,” I said, grateful for the noise to distract from the silence that had settled in.

  Gabe tapped his fingers to the beat on the steering wheel and focused on the road while I tried not to focus on his profile too much. It was hard though. He was cute. There was no denying that.

  When he pulled in front of my apartment, I felt both relief and disappointment. It was good to be home and back in the place I felt most comfortable, but part of me was sad to say goodbye to Gabe.

  As I was unbuckling my seatbelt, he did the same and I was surprised to see him turn off the car and get out, walking quickly to my door and opening it. He held out his hand to help me. I looked at it curiously for a second before taking it. It was warm and seemed to dwarf mine. The air outside was so cold compared to how nice it’d been in the car. I knew I should rush upstairs to the warmth of my apartment, but I didn’t. Gabe and I stood at the stoop, little clouds escaping our mouths as we breathed in and out. I tucked my hands in my pockets and we stood facing each other. I wondered if he was as nervous as I was.

  “I had a really good time today, Sam,” he finally said, smiling at me with those deep brown eyes and the dimple in his cheek.

  “Me too. Thank you for inviting me,” I said and then paused for a second, staring down at the ground before looking at him again. “It…it was really nice to get out like this. Thank you.” I knew I was babbling, but it was the truth and regardless of what this was between us, if it was anything at all, I wanted him to know I appreciated the care and concern he’d shown to me from the moment we met.

  “You don’t need to thank me,” he said.

  “Yes, I do,” I said softly, looking into his
eyes. He knew I wasn’t only talking about today, but about everything. It grew quiet for a few moments and he seemed nervous.

  “Can I give you a call sometime?” he asked and my heart started to beat faster at the thought. I did want him to call me. I wanted to see him again, but at the same time, I was afraid to say yes. We’d had this day, but there was so much Gabe didn’t know about me. I knew he might have his suspicions, but if I spent more time with him and got to know him, I’d have to tell him. Somehow, he’d find out and the thought terrified me. I could tell the long pause was getting to him and he seemed to wait nervously for my answer.

  “Um,” I said swallowing hard before I nodded. “Yeah. You can call me.”

  He seemed relieved, but not entirely, and I didn’t blame him. I’d held it together throughout the day, but Gabe sensed my hesitation and he probably thought it was something he’d done, which couldn’t have been further from the truth.

  “I’d like to see you again,” I added, the words terrifying me, but I knew I had to say them. He had to know he hadn’t done anything to cause my hesitation. My life is what caused my hesitation.

  He seemed to relax then and he smiled.

  “I’ll give you a call then soon,” he said, resting his hand on my arm. I looked down at it for a moment before bringing my eyes back to his, feeling a sense of calm as I looked into them.

  “Okay,” I said softly.

  Our eyes remained on each other’s for another moment and when he started leaning in closer, my heart was thundering in my chest. I wasn’t ready for this. As much as I wanted to know what his lips felt like, I wasn’t ready for this. Before I had a chance to completely panic though, I felt his lips land softly on my cheek, holding them there for a few seconds. He was so close and he smelled so good. When he pulled back, my eyes were still closed, but slowly opened as I felt him drifting away from me. I opened my eyes to see a little smile on his face.

  “Good night, Sam,” he said softly and I felt a smile creep up on my face.

  “Good night, Gabe,” I answered and then I finally stepped away and began climbing the stoop. I knew he wouldn’t leave until I was safely inside and so when I walked in and shut the door behind me, I turned to wave to him. He waved back and I found myself already eager for the next time I would hear his voice.